Back To Normal Whatever That Is and A New Book (Shameless Plug)

 At last I was released from prison (I mean hospital). The first thing I did was get a decent coffee from Costa. I had hoped to see Charlie on the way home but predictably we got caught in an hour long traffic jam, so it was dark when we finally arrived back in Suffolk.   For those that don't know I have Dodgy Lungs and a Dicky Ticker. Back in July I had a line fitted into my heart and received IV drugs via a sexy pump worn at my waist. I hated it. My body hated it and the side effects meant I was constantly throwing up, having headaches, muscle aches and hot flushes. On top of that the pump was incredibly annoying and my heart was rejecting the line. I had a choice of having it re-positioned and taking anti rejection drugs, or having it removed which the hospital did not recommend. Obviously I chose to have the damn thing taken out.  Apparently I may suffer "Sudden Decline" but my body has spoken!  On top of that I did some research.  Apparently in Canada they are removing IV lines in favour of the Oral drug that I have gone back to. Its a newish drug ( I did the Drug Trial for it originally) so no-one actually knows the long term benefits. That's good enough for me. The side effects are unpleasant (mostly headaches and large muscle aches in my case), and daily, but only last 3 hours or so. I feel I have a life back. I can have a shower and actually get wet at the same time.  In fact I can get wet full stop. I don't have a stupid pump constantly bleeping when something goes wrong, I don't have to spend half an hour a day mixing drugs and I can roll over in bed without risking pulling the line out. And best of all I can ride without worrying about the consequences of a fall (apart from gasping for air or passing out). 

While I was in hospital I finished the book I started earlier in the year when I was incarcerated having the line put it.  So it wasn't a total waste of time!  its called Tails From the RDA (about the 10 years I spent as Yard Manager at Hollesley RDA). I screwed up the formatting (Word has never been my strong point) but the book is available on Kindle (Oh the shameless plugging!!!).  There will be a paperback, with photos when I get my head round formatting.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09M7WCKSJ/ref=as_sl_pc_tf_til?tag=horsea-21&linkCode=w00&linkId=828cfe289db61b84b660826dc4a1db9e&creativeASIN=B09M7WCKSJ

I'm so crap at this stuff I don't even know if the link I have just posted will work!

Anyway, so at last I got home. Didn't know weather to stuff my face with actual edible food, or open the exciting post from Top Barn first. I did both. While I was away my rosettes from the Handy Pony and The Halloween Comp had arrived!

Having been told to "do nothing strenuous" and "keep heart rate below 100bmp" for 6 weeks, I raced to the Farm early the next day.  Charlie was gratifyingly happy to see me, nickering and racing to the gate. However after a long long cuddle and lots of muddy mustache kisses he buggered off back to his friends.  When presented with his rosettes he wouldn't let me attach them to his headcollar, viewing them much as I would if presented with a large hairy spider.  Daisy was much more accommodating, wearing what is probably her first rosette ever. 

So the last week I have been "taking it easy", having breakfast with Charlie and working on some patterns and basic leading. I have recorded the metres covered on Equilab, but even I realise now that finishing those 100 miles before xmas is impossible!  I am aiming for 50 miles instead.  So thats half the distance in twice the time! Impressive hey?

But as I am starting to feel stronger the pull of those points for the Top Barn league are calling.  Is it possible to still do the Jumping Classes? I have 5 days. Can I get Charlie jumping in hand in that time?  He can certainly jump, but is not too keen on lunging. And what about Daisy?  She absolutely does not jump. But maybe the patterns are possible in the poles only class? She will probably buck, but without the pump who cares? Will i give it a go? Come back in a couple of weeks to find out!

Handy Pony, Halloween and Help I'm Totally Running Out Of Food!!!

 Well we are indeed in need of a catch-up!! The Handy Pony classes were so much fun. We made a tunnel of hoops and flags, and Charlie did indeed pull the sledge carrying a 2ft green alien!  The ridden was also great fun and both myself and Jo managed to dislodge parts of the tunnel!!!! Even Nancy and Mini joined in and I went to give her some guidance in filming a smooth show.  Sharn't be doing that again!! She beat me!! In fact Nancy and Mini came 2nd, and Me and Charlie came 4th.  Neither Daisy or Lu placed in the Ridden, but we missed out hard (Not Possible) things such as backing.

As soon as we had entered our Handy Pony Films, my mind was on The Halloween Fancy Dress Classes. There was In-hand (Charlie), Ridden (Daisy) and Spookiest Show (Charlie). There was a great excitement at The Top Barn Hub over these classes.  I think deep down, no matter how old we are, we still wish we were those carefree gymkhana kids we once were. I promptly ordered a gory hand, a plastic scythe and some Halloween webs and banners. 

A large box was cut up into gravestones and painted with slightly amusing epitaphs, my mothers 'Cupboard of Doom' was raided for old lace tablecloths, and our precious Fancy Dress suitcase was opened where I found the black cloaks needed for the Grim Reaper. I spent an evening making a tattered wedding dress out of the tablecloths and an afternoon pressing studs into a piece of leather making a gimp mask for Charlie!

I filmed the Ridden with Daisy first, with Jo as my camera manwoman and wardrobe assistant. Daisy and I became the gruesome Corpse Bride and Steed. Top Tip..Put the fake blood on the costume and let it dry before putting it on the pony! Daisy is still pink! Leaving the Spooktacular Show till last, Jo helped me and Charlie film the In-hand class. I'd been teaching Charlie to hold the Scythe and at one point he nearly beheaded both me and Prudence the Bulldog.

I had been holding off filming the Spooktacular Show as I was teaching Charlie to sweep the sand on top of the gravestone to cover up the bones sticking out! In the end I failed to catch it on film!!!!  There were several failures!  I had the set the props up in the 'School'.  Whilst picking up Charlies raggedly hood, I discovered a large spider had taken a fancy to it for its winter nest. Somehow with me yelling and shaking the hood, the Spider ended up on my shoulder, which caused complete meltdown from me, screaming like a banshee and beating at my own body like some deranged self flagellating monk.

Mark the Mechanic and Part Time Horse Whisperer had volunteered to film with different cameras set up at different angles.  Filming was due to commence at dusk.  I went down early, to move the Mini herd, who had spent a couple of days being lawn-mowers in the 'School', fetch Charlie in and feed him, and generally be all ready to roll.  The Minis had trashed the props, which all needed picking up and placing again, Lil was thundering about, thrilled to be back out in the Hill Field, the wind was getting up towards Gale-Force, a muntjac was making an unearthly screaming, and Charlie just wasn't having it.  At the sight of Mark the Mechanic and Part time Horse Whisperer, in the school, he lost the plot. Having galloped around wildly snorting a few times I told Mark to go. When Charlie has these feral moments not much can bring him back to tame.  Mark had no sooner got into his car when Charlie broke through the electric fencing surrounding the 'School' and chased after him, trailing fencing behind him.  I ran (YES RAN) down the Hill, to find Mark in front of his car doing a sterling job of Horse Whispering and defending the beloved Beemer.

The next morning dawned wet and windy. I crept out at first light, moved all the props to the Round Pen, swiftly re-thought the whole show and marched grimly up to get Charlie in.  When I say marched grimly, I actually mean limped pathetically as I had damaged the dodgy knee during the 5 second sprint the day before. However Charlie thought I was marching grimly and believed me when I said I wanted no nonsense, as it was our last chance to film. He was a good boy, and although having no camera man was a bit frustrating, as the wind kept blowing the tripod over, but we got filmed. 

I am so pleased to have found out since that we got 3rd with Daisy and 3rd and 5th with Charlie. Thank you Top Barn.

Anyway I am writing this from a glass box in Papworth Hospital. I have a line that goes from a pump into my heart delivering drugs direct.  Its not working for me  so i am having it out. However its not that simple, so i am looking at my 2nd week trapped here. After nearly wasting away last time, I bought a weeks worth of snacks, thinking id be home by now. But I'm not. The latest guess is Friday release. And I am totally running out of food!!!!

Autumn Has Arrived, The Handy Pony Comp and Daisy The Highland

 And just like that Autumn has arrived!!! One day we were still sweltering in 24c and the next? Torrential rain arrived on 40mph winds! I think the shorts and crocs have been firmly put away for the next six months now. Of course we were moaning about the drought.  At least the fields are looking slightly less yellow.  Too late for the Bigger Ponies though, who quickly ran out of grass on The Hill Field and had to be moved onto the Winter Grazing.

Before the rain came, I had been sawing, screwing and painting for our Handy Pony Course.  My imagination may have ran away with me, and I may have bought a 2ft blow up alien and a Childs sledge!!!!  Jo and I had a practice with Charlie and Lu for the In-Hand Class.  They were both amazing, wearing Full Harness and dragging Hay nets full of clothing for the first time. Charlie was so chilled I even got on him for the first time since April. He immediately un-chilled and although the explosion of bucks never happened, he was very fidgety.

Jo wanted to practice her Ridden Entry, so I got Daisy in to keep her company. This sweet old mare did so well and enjoyed herself so much, I have entered the Ridden Class with her as well. Whilst editing the videos, I realised how much fun Daisy can be, and decided to 'share' her with Shaneece-Who-Helps-On-Saturdays.  Not only will this give me my riding muscles back, it will also give Daisy hers back too.  I have even had her in for a short schooling session this week (before the storms came).

For those that don't know Daisy, she a a 14.2hh Highland Mare, aged about 21???? Jo will confirm her age.  Jo rescued her from a horrible life that she spent in solitary confinement, about 7 years ago.  She was shut down, angry and horribly overweight.  Although we got the weight off her, she kept developing sudden onset Laminitis, one bout we nearly lost her as her Pedal Bones rotated in all four feet.  Blood tests confirmed she had EMS. 

With the help of a brilliant Farrier, and Jo researching everything about EMS we got her sound. And have kept her sound ever since.  The anger disappeared very quickly with lots of love and being kept out in a herd and she is the sweetest most loving mare. She is pretty bombproof, but has absolutely no brakes whatsoever and can have some frilly moments, cantering on the spot and plunging. But nothing malicious at all. I am so looking forward to doing more with her when these storms blow out.

An Indian Summer, Ponying, The !00 Mile Challenge Update, and Top Barn Handy Pony Comp

 Yup its The Weather Channel here. We were promised storms!  They didn't get any nearer than 20 miles away.  Still we were promised a day of rain. We got a little light rain.  Just enough to lay the dust for an hour. Jo and I had already moved the Minis into the Hill Field, but were waiting for the rain before we fenced it into 2 paddocks. As it never came, we bit the bullet and spent 4 hours (YES 4 HOURS) hammering the fence posts into a concrete ground. But now the Herd is reunited in the same field, making life easier for us.  We can enjoy the Indian Summer.  Its back to shorts! 

I was able to film Charlies Liberty Class in the abandoned 4 Acre Field with no problem. Mostly dust now, there wasn't much point in him trying to find a blade of grass to munch on. He was a very good boy apart from the Lunging/Circling. He just does not like to be that far away from me!

And so onto those 100 miles!!!!!! 😁.   MMMMmmm. We have been plodding on. Last week I tried ponying Charlie off Daisy. Considering I haven't ridden since the end of April (due to the Dodgy Lungs and Dicky Ticker, and the subsequent fitting of Paddy Pump, who delivers IV drugs straight into my heart), coupled with Daisy not having been ridden for about 6 weeks, it might have been a bit risky.  But it all turned out ok.  I covered Paddy Pump in a childs water arm-band thingy (Megs Brainwave) and went for it. We went out with Jo on Lu, and Meg with Nancy on Mini.  Daisy spent 5 minutes jogging and humping her back, kicking out at Charlie, then settled down to merely biting him, when we stopped to wait for Mini. All in all No Drama, and best of all I felt completely at home.....I did wonder if Paddy Pump would cause some apprehension, but i forgot about him! This week Charlie and I have been limping around (Well I have been limping, not Charlie).  We went for a wander down the lane with Jo and Joey on Lu and Daisy, in Long Reins and he was brilliant.  I dragged a stick home with us, making as much noise as possible. Apart from an initial mini freak out he settled to the noise.  Then we made THAT video.  We did an appeal for donation of miles!!!! OOps my twisted sense of humour!  The Top Barn Hub responded with offers of donated miles and even an offer of a rosette.  I am truly humbled at the response!!! I love you all.  But it was a joke.  I would never take anything I hadn't earned, but what an amazing group of people. I have a habit of ripping the piss out of everything, mostly myself!!! I will continue to clock up the miles and hope to finish by Xmas....like those people that finish the London Marathon days after everyone else.  The further I walk with Charlie the more trusting he has become, and we have ventured out of his comfort zone alone twice this week. Only another 80ish miles to go!!!   By the way (quick plug here), back in the day, my friend Tess and I took my two ponies down to Wiltshire and rode the Ridgeway. Dressed in Balldresses. To raise money for the RDA.. We did 120miles in 6 days. There is a book available on Amazon Kindle called .....'The Ridgeway Romp' Plug Plug Plug....Shameless Plugging!!!!😊.

And now my mind is on the latest Top Barn Comp. The Handy Pony Competition. Yay!  Despite being, er, er, 55, I am still that Gymkhana Kid at heart, so have entered already.  My mind is on creating another obstacle course. My tool belt is out, and tonight I painted a jump filler as a wall. I'm so excited. Stay tuned x

Somewhat Challenged, Those 100 Miles and Strange Weather.

 Oh Yes. It's the Weather Channel again!!!  I just feel I have to mention it, being British and all! August has been....er....odd!! Every day its been cloudy, heavy and around 20c. But NO RAIN, except for 5 minutes of mizzle. With a North wind steadily blowing its a been chilly enough to wear jeans, boots and jacket. Then the sun peaks out (usually late afternoon) and its clothes off, sweltering! I'm confused!

So the Top Barn Challenges!  Well Lulu and I went out of Last Horseman Standing on Level 4.  Simple Challenge!!!! Lunge horse in walk, stopping every quarter of a circle (like a clock-face on 12, 3, 6 and 9). Lu, like many horses has been taught to go forward on the lunge.  We worked at it daily. We really tried. I discovered in long reins off the bit, she would halt, but that was due to pressure on her mouth. The minute I went to one rein, no halt. I tried everything. Carrots (lots of), leading to start, a surcingle, a single rein through the bit, no bit, different words, waving a whip in front of her, jumping out in front of her, crouching down, sitting down, crying!!!! Lu was getting as frustrated as I was.  So that was it. We were defeated. On Monday I had a look at Challenge 5, And I Laughed! And Laughed.  Challenge 5 is a ridden challenge, backing up round a Figure 8.  I may have mentioned.....Lu does not back up for anyone!!!! That made me feel better.   Its been interesting to work with Lu.  She has been trained differently to Charlie, and its been a challenge in itself to communicate what I want.  I wish the remaining Challengers the Best of Luck.

And so the 100 mile Challenge with Charlie?  Well its safe to say we will never crack it in the time left, having just got under 90 miles left!!!!!! When I signed up, I thought the IV drugs may help my breathing. Which they have, a bit.  I forgot my right leg was as strong as a foal in its first 15 minutes! And I forgot Charlies ability to plant like a thousand year old Oak, when he is unsure. However, he is doing well at long reining.  I abandoned the idea of driving him when I uncovered his cataract over the lens of his off-side eye. BUT....Who is to say we can't drive without blinkers eh?  I asked Mark the Mechanic and Part-time Horse Whisperer to make me a large skateboard, so Charlie could pull me along.  He refused on the grounds of it being dangerous! ???????  So i have bought some roller-trainers!!

I have also caught Mark watching Pony Carts on Ebay!!!!!!  My (very bad) maths says we have to do 2.5 miles a day to complete in time.  I'm thinking that I will just see how long it actually takes me to complete 100 miles. I can crack on when Charlie and I have filmed our entry for the Top Barn Liberty class. Most of the test is no problem.....till we get to the Lunging part. On a line, off a line, Charlie does not like to move away from me.  So we are working on following a target around me.  We are getting there. We have a week or so to complete.  If I don't break my neck on the Roller-Trainers!! It all might be easier to just jump on and ride the bugger!!!!!!

Last Horseman Standing, The 5 Mile Challenge and Mr Pickles

 So the Top Barn Challenge is going well. Half well!  The 2nd Last Horseman Standing Challenge was to stand behind a pole, and get your horse to touch a cone 2 metres away! Charlie? No problem. Charlie has been taught to target. Lu has not. I started with a quick lesson in target training. Lu couldn't see the point. I tried lunging her to the cone, in the hope that she would touch it. Nope. I tried laying down reaching out towards the cone. Lu thought I had lost the plot. Prudence in the meantime thought this meant doggo cuddles, and Charlie kept zooming in, touching the cone, and begging for treats.  Eventually I 'ground tied' Lu to the Cone, stood behind the pole and relaxed with a coffee. Lu stood there staring at me.  I picked up a lunge whip and tapped the cone. Voila! She also touched the cone. Whoop whoop. Onto Level 3.  

Level 3 is simple. Mount horse from normal side, stand for 10 seconds, then mount horse from other side and stand for 10 seconds (without pulling their back teeth out).  Easy I thought, rushing over to the Yard. For a start it was windy, and farm machinery was doing its farming thing nearby. Secondly Lu was Hangry. We are strip grazing them, so she clearly thought I was there to move the fence back. Nope, I brought her into the "School" and tried the Challenge bareback in a head-collar. She Would Not Stand at The Mounting Block!!!!!! Then I remembered that I have to hold onto her when Jo mounts.  Ahhh Not so easy then!

Gave it a rest for 2 days.  Then took her to The Round Pen, tacked up. Lu thought we were off for a hack, and walked off the minute my arse hit the saddle. Several times. In between that, she slowly backed up, barged through me, and even bit me.  Eventually she was as bored as I was and stood still. For at least 30 seconds, while Jo checked the phone could still see us and was filming. Dare I hope for a repeat mounting from the Offside?  Yes I could.  Hopefully we are through to Level 4.  We await with baited breath to see what fiendish Challenge awaits us tomorrow. I suspect it may involve the pole, and backing up. Lu will not back up for the Pope, let alone a mere mortal like her Chamber-maid!!!

Charlie and I are not doing so well with the 100 mile Challenge. In 2 weeks we have done a grand total of...er...yup...5 Miles!!!  Only another 95 to go then. Our mileage has been gained in between The Last Horseman Standing Challenge, clearing out the old Barn and yet another trip to Papworth, where I had to perform my 6 minute walk test (pointless, as I had tweaked an old knee injury and pretty much dragged my right leg behind throughout the test).  My right knee, shin and thigh were smashed up, crushed and destroyed when I was 17, in an accident involving a horse falling on the road (with my leg still in the perfect position), followed by a motorbike accident 11 days after I had my cast off. My knee creaks like an old barge, and I limp like an ancient Farrier at the best of times. This is my excuse (along with The Dodgy Lungs and Dicky Ticker) if I get to the end of the 2 months having only done 20 miles!!!  And The Patchy Twat is not happy going out solo. Despite our bond, everything becomes a scary dragon when its just me and him anywhere beyond the Farm. However its not over Til The Fat Lady Sings. In my fantasy land, he will let me ride him, and we will zoom off into the Sunset together, clocking up the miles by October. In reality I will spend the next two months persuading a rearing, planting Patchy Twat that life beyond the Bottom Of The Drive is possible (without being accompanied by a grouchy Shetland mare and an 8 year old!

And back to that mention of Barn Clearance. Our old Barn is literally falling in. Our Horse Landlord finally decided to repair it. The Barn is full of 20-odd years of crap, which has mostly fallen to Jo to clear out. Many dump runs have ensued. 

On Monday, while Jo was slaving away, she found a Hedgepig, wrapped in the netting we discard from the hay-bales. How bad do we feel?  Just wanting to get the whole thing away from the hay, we have been discarding it into a no-mans-land of rubbish left by long gone liveries. So Jo and a friend managed to unwrap the said Hedgepig, who was quite small and very shaken.  I had a dog crate in my truck (along with a Kitchen sink.....Don't ask), so we set up home for the Hedgepig in the crate, with a cardboard box house, and kept him in the Tackroom for 5 days. Jo fed him the best Cat Food, while I dug up worms from the Muck-heap and caught ear-wigs for him.  We called him Mr. Pickles. All week he has wolfed the cat-food, and fattened up.  Yesterday he started to try and get out. Time to upgrade his rehab. Our friend Joey has a lovely big garden and a Hedgehog house!  So Mr. Pickles went to live with his new mum, in a large pen in Joeys's Garden. When he is settled, she will remove the pen wire, and Mr Pickles can live a normal Hedgepig life.

Do drop by in a couple of weeks to see how the LHS Challenge is going, and to see if Charlie and I have managed another 5 miles!!

Top Barn Mania, Transplant Options and Life Goes On

 Top Barn Mania has got to me!!! So I entered Charlie into some shows! And I had hacked his mane off....And he was still a bit Feral. MMMM What to do?  Ah yes. Hog him.  But he is scared of the Trimmers, and they would never go through that mane.   !!!! Ok buy some bigger Cordless Clippers. It would be fine!  Actually due to the work I have done with the trimmers, it wasn't such a bad plan! We spent an hour with the Trimmers and a lot of carrots. In that time I had trimmed Charlies face. Next day within an hour, the boy was hogged with the big clippers!

Next, teach him to lunge quietly!  That's where it all fell apart!  Charlie just doesn't do lunging. For a start, he is partially sighted in his off-side eye. So he doesn't like being lunged when his bad eye is on the outside. He is also more comfortable at Liberty. Still, we ran through the Groundwork Challenge. He cantered instead of walking in lunge. Then I got all dressed up to do the showing classes. Quite easy I thought.  But Charlie absolutely refused to trot up! Then I found out we had another week to achieve perfection. 

And what a week it was!  On the Monday I had to go to Papworth Hospital to attend the Transplant Clinic.  They just didn't sell it!  To get on the Transplant list I would have to live like a Nun. Then if I did get a transplant ( I need Lungs and Heart), I would have to wrap myself up in cotton wool. And all this would involve monthly visits to check I hadn't had any Sherry Trifle for at least 6 months, as well as going back to Hospital to be poked and probed. I politely declined going on the list. I have never wanted a Transplant anyway. i feel if your time is up, then its up.  And I would rather someone younger with kids had the new heart and lungs. I have had a good life, and intend to live the rest of it to the full, and if that involves a bottle of wine, then so be it. I'd rather go out with crash, bang, wallop, while laughing than live a half life! BTW Charlie and I never did get that perfection. Still sulking, he refused to trot up and I simply don't have the puff to push him. But at least we tried.

And now I have become a Top Barn Challenge Junkie!!! I entered The Last Horseman Standing competition, even though it involves riding. Jo is currently unable to ride, with a bad hip, so kindly lent me Lulu for the Challenge.  Each week a new Challenge becomes available, and we have the week to complete it.  First week....Send horse around you in a circle on both reins without moving your feet. Its harder than it sounds, but Lu aced it (being well trained by her mum). Can't wait to see what next weeks Challenge is.

As if working with a different pony isn't enough, I have entered Charlie into the 100 mile Challenge. We have to complete 100 miles together in 2 months. I will have to do most of it on foot. Lets hope the inconvenient IV drugs are working!!!  Its one way to find out! He is a wuss when going out without another horse! I'm hoping he will take pity on me, and let me ride him!!! As well as that, I have a trick video i want to create. Charlie and I have just received our Level 2 Award from The Trick Academy, so we need to keep working onwards.

I'll update you all next month (if I'm not in my bed with exhaustion!)